Nieve Castillo
4/4/12
Everyone in their lives has a remodel in which they look up to or desire to be because they admire their characteristics. It is not a bad thing to admire a celebrity or well-known person but it is important that we don’t fall in to their unrealistic fantasies and lifestyle. The article, “The Dangers of Reality TV”, by Timothy Sexton emphasizes that, Reality TV is sending a wrong message to young fans by exploiting the value of a person’s image over ability, how to be better and by not contributing to the importance of education. I agree with Sexton because reality TV in my perspective can’t give what I need in real life in the contrary it puts my educations, my identity, and future at danger.
Reality TV is a major distraction and unhelpful factor in education. When I turn on the TV all I hear about is updates of celebrity lives as if I don’t have a life of my own to update. It distracts me from school work and global awareness which is essential for my American dream if I want to attain a stable life economically. It’s like weighing the chances of attaining a degree in which you are interesting in or becoming famous throughout the media which can take more effort and time away sine reality TV tends to change their image overtime in which portray unnecessary necessities.
Reality TV also sends out the wrong message when it comes to a person’s identity. For example, reality shows about marriage always emphasize on their luxuries of cars and wedding rings in order to make them look like labels the top “notch” instead of really showing their real identities and what makes them special. The importance is that identity shouldn’t be something superficial it should be something that we want to develop in a unique way not by labels. It is also essential to understand that we cannot please everyone in life by lavishing ourselves with the latest assets as is everything were a competition.
Hello my name is Aaron, and today i will be looking over your assignment. Your introduction is very good, and you provide a clear message throughout the paper. As you begin talking about the distraction on your education you seem to be writing within the limited aspects, which is obviously the American dream, but why not try more crucial issues? For example you could keep your perspective on education when you tie in a quotation, but dig deeper into the topic, such as Reality television causing kids to drop out and not have a future. You do well to show what you're addressing, but you don't give enough to the reader you need to expand a little more, such as explaining how it distracts you. I do like the last paragraph on the identity issues, but it would be nice if you can give some examples even if its Kim Kardashian and tie some quotes back to your thesis. Besides the formation of your essay, i think you could work on grammar a bit more. It did effect some of the words on your paper, but overall with enough effort this can easily be a great paper.
ReplyDeleteHi my name is Pam and i am from Prof Rogers-Coopers class and i will be giving you feedback on your assignment. I really liked your opening paragraph. You did a good job of clarifying what the writer wrote about and giving your own opinions on reality TV. Throughout your paper you give two good solid claims, i suggest you give one more just to bind your writing together. You do a good job as to tell why you are against reality TV but do you have any suggestions on to what they should show on TV instead that would grab the viewers attention? You did a good job with the structure creating a clear beginning,middle and end but i do believe that you will be able to squeeze in another paragraph on more of your personal thoughts. Your ending should be a bit stronger. Feel free to write back to me.
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